Adoption (or not)

I have been debating whether or not to blog about this. I guess the wound is so fresh, but here it goes.

Last week while I was at our family doctors he said “I received some paperwork from you both and I want you to know I’m not going to be filling it out”.

The paperwork he was referring to was our medical records from children’s aid so we could be on the list for adoption. We started this process almost five years ago (our dr was aware) so you can imagine the heartbreak in my eyes. (Sidenote – I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 25 because of endometriosis).

“Oh?” Was all I could think of. He stressed that his decision was purely based on the current state of my mental health. He feared that if he filled it out then CAS would do a lot of digging into my personal life of which my mental state probably couldn’t handle right now. And there was the stigma around someone who was in the hospital a year ago for attempted suicide.

“Are you sure Dr K? I mean these latest meds are supposed to work wonders”. He replied with “Tara. These papers are going to an up putting you in the hospital again”.

I have never felt like such a delicate flower. I’m used to my bipolar not getting in the way of anything. But this latest turn really has me spun out of control. I feel like it has a handle on me and not the other way around – the way it should be. For years I had this under control. I don’t like not being in control right now.

I guess adoption is out for a while. Thank you bipolar😞

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